On Knowing What You Want

You know what I want, what I really, really want?

To know what I want.

kind of know, but I don’t fully know.

We all have ambitions but do we know what the result of those ambitions really looks like? I’m not so sure I do.

This makes it tougher to work towards an end goal. Just when you think you know what the end goal is, it either changes or adapts. The more I learn about what I want for my future, the more I get confused about not just how to get there – but also is it actually going to work for me? Can I, as a person, handle my own ambitions if I reached them?

Or am I just not built that way?

Or do I not deserve it?

I don’t aspire to be rich or famous (although the former would nice). I don’t dream of becoming something that is necessarily “out of reach”. It’s just pinpointing exactly what I do want, and figuring out the path to getting there – and staying there.

So what can I do about it?

Well…I’m not so sure. My instinct says I need to be tougher on myself to filter down a wider ambition to a more specific one so I can start putting together the building blocks to get there. The devil on my shoulder is telling me to stay comfortable…soldier on with what I’ve been given because I’m lucky to have what I’ve got.

I read again and again success stories from inspirational people – they worked really hard to get where they are. It took a lot of time and energy but it paid off. My brain tells me that I don’t have the time and energy, and what if it didn’t work out in the end?

What a waste of time that would be.

But what would be a bigger waste of time? Not trying.

I need to find that fire to push myself. I know it’s hiding somewhere. Inspirational quotes from Pinterest, or self-help books from Amazon aren’t going to get me there. Only I can. Only I will.

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4 Comments

  1. May 27, 2017 / 9:29 am

    I’ve literally spent the last half an hour going through your blog after stumbling across it and I just want to say thank you for being so open and honest about mental health. A lot of people seem to talk about mindfulness or how they’ve recovered from mental illness, so it’s refreshing reading about the process. Your posts are just incredible and are exactly what I needed to read this morning. Can’t wait to read more of them soon! xxx

    • Cat
      May 27, 2017 / 9:38 am

      OMG thank you so much – that’s so sweet of you. I’m so glad you enjoy my posts. I aim to be open and honest here so it’s so nice to hear that you are enjoying the content. If you ever want to see anything particular, I’m open to ideas! 🙂 xxx

  2. June 7, 2017 / 12:10 pm

    God, I can relate to this. Everyone has always told me I have no ambition – and it’s totally true. I like blogging, but I’m not sure I want to make it a full-time, ‘internet famous’ thing. I like my job in marketing – but I have no ambitions to become anything more than I am now. The only thing I know I want is to be a mum, but a) is that an ambition and b) is that enough? I always feel like like I need to have some big ambition in mind, but maybe it’s also okay not to?

    • Cat
      June 7, 2017 / 12:52 pm

      The issue I have is having a lot of different ambitions so find it hard to pin it down! I would probably rather be in your position sometimes!

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