You know what I want, what I really, really want?
To know what I want.
I kind of know, but I don’t fully know.
We all have ambitions but do we know what the result of those ambitions really looks like? I’m not so sure I do.
This makes it tougher to work towards an end goal. Just when you think you know what the end goal is, it either changes or adapts. The more I learn about what I want for my future, the more I get confused about not just how to get there – but also is it actually going to work for me? Can I, as a person, handle my own ambitions if I reached them?
Or am I just not built that way?
Or do I not deserve it?
I don’t aspire to be rich or famous (although the former would nice). I don’t dream of becoming something that is necessarily “out of reach”. It’s just pinpointing exactly what I do want, and figuring out the path to getting there – and staying there.
So what can I do about it?
Well…I’m not so sure. My instinct says I need to be tougher on myself to filter down a wider ambition to a more specific one so I can start putting together the building blocks to get there. The devil on my shoulder is telling me to stay comfortable…soldier on with what I’ve been given because I’m lucky to have what I’ve got.
I read again and again success stories from inspirational people – they worked really hard to get where they are. It took a lot of time and energy but it paid off. My brain tells me that I don’t have the time and energy, and what if it didn’t work out in the end?
What a waste of time that would be.
But what would be a bigger waste of time? Not trying.
I need to find that fire to push myself. I know it’s hiding somewhere. Inspirational quotes from Pinterest, or self-help books from Amazon aren’t going to get me there. Only I can. Only I will.