It’s been a little while, hasn’t it? It’s been longer than I expected. It’s harder than expected to come back. I’m still not sure I’m ready but I’m going to give it a try.
I’m typing this post with a sense of trepidation because I’m not sure what I want to say, or how I want to say it.
I really miss blogging. I miss sharing my world with you. I do. That’s why I’m trying here. But I’m sat here, contemplating whether to change into my pyjamas already (it’s 8pm as I type ha), knowing if I do walk away from the screen right now I won’t come back to this page. Then how long will it be before I try again?
The things I wrote about in my post a few week’s back about why I stopped blogging are still true. Nothing has changed, other than me being that bit closer to my aspirations of developing myself. But I’m still not happy with where I am at.
Going to the gym doesn’t stop you feeling like you’re unhappy with your body. Making a head start on creative endeavours doesn’t make you feel like you’re going to be a #girlboss any time soon. I feel pretty dumb for thinking these lifestyle changes would suddenly make me feel on top of things. It’s going to take time.
I thought that by dropping the blog for a little while I’d suddenly have loads more time to do things. Nope, I have a bit more time to do things. Turns out I don’t really have a lot of energy for these things though. This week in particular I’ve felt unlike myself. Today in particular I’ve felt drained of energy and ready to book some time off work just to nap a lot.
Nevertheless, she persisted.
And so, I must also persist here.
One thing I have learnt from this experience is that blogging is something that makes me feel good. I wasn’t sure that it was for a little while – I thought it made me feel pressured. But when you remove that pressure, you remember why you do it. You remember why you persist. To do the things that matter to you.
So over the coming weeks, I’ll be beavering away trying to get more consistency over here for you, and for me. To share some more honesty about my thoughts, feelings and plans. Y’know, amongst the usual bits and pieces you can expect from here!
Catch you soon.