So hey, you might have heard of a lil something called PokemonGO. If not, where have you been hiding and why didn’t you invite me?
Y’see, I told myself I wasn’t going to bother with trying to become a Pokemon Master. I told myself “Hey now, you’re 26 and your days of Pokemon training are behind you”. But then I saw the app in action. Then I downloaded it. Then I caught my first Pokemon. Now, I can’t stop. I wanna be the very best. Like no one ever was.
It’s early days. I’m only Level 4. I can’t even battle in gyms yet or do most of the cool stuff. But it feels as if I’ve got about 100 Rattata’s, 50 Pidgeys and a Zubat which was a bitch to catch. I’m ready to take on the world. I’m very aware of my addiction guys, so I thought I’d try and snap myself out of it by sharing what makes a PokemonGo addict. Maybe I’ll get embarrassed of myself and give up but probably not.
You can’t stop checking your phone
You never know, a Pikachu might suddenly appear in my immediate area and OMG PIKACHU. Even though I know I’m miles away from rustling leaves, the situation could change any second. What I forget that is if it does, it’s usually yet another Rattata here to ruin my day.
You get that app crash rage
So, given that the app is buggy AF, it crashes a lot. Those servers cannot keep up with the sheer volume of Pokemon trainers out there. But when the app crashes as I’ve just caught a new Pokemon, it breaks my soul in two that the app doesn’t register it was caught when you reopen it. WOE IS ME.
You’re all about the power ups
I don’t even really understand the rules of it yet, but all I know is that I want to power up all of my Pokemon and evolve them as soon as I can.
When someone places a Pokestop lure, it’s like Christmas
Near me, there aren’t a whole lot of Pokemon. But some absolute legend put a lure on my local Pokestop (the post office up the road) and I was able to catch a Zubat, Drowsee and a Pidgey or two. Let’s ignore the fact I already have those Pokemon and just be excited for the transfer opportunities.
You can tell exactly who else is playing PokemonGo
I mean, it’s not particularly hard given that it’s everyone else glued to their phones walking slowly and occasionally stopping, stroking their phone screens a few times then moving off again.
Everyone you know who doesn’t play it hates you
They’re just so sick of hearing about either how great the app is because POKEMON and how awful it is because ARGH WHY CAN’T I LOG IN.
You wanna flip a table when you can’t catch ’em all
Maybe I’m just crap at throwing Pokeballs, but does anyone else find it difficult to catch some Pokemon sometimes? Maybe my phone is bugging out but I practically smack a Spearow in the face and it doesn’t capture it.
Bye bye phone battery
Even with the settings change to reserve battery power, PokemonGo sucks battery like a Bellsprout using Leech Life. Anyone else keep their phone charged all the time they aren’t using the app? After all, I’d hate to hit 0% when a wild Charizard appears.
You’re a bit obsessed with anything to do with PokemonGO
Whether it’s a Buzzfeed article speaking all them truths (like this one) or your new favourite tshirt letting the world know of your new obsession, you’ll read anything and everything to do with the app because lol it’s your life now.